Nancy Pelosi has at long last experienced a spasm of guilt over her tenure as the Best Catholic in America, America’s Mother, or whatever else she calls herself to get through the day. But it turns out she has humbled herself enough to ask for help to make things right. Sort of.
Over the weekend we learned that the former House speaker, keeper of freezers full of expensive pints of ice cream and an ardent lover of killing babies, has now suffered so much guilt over her husband’s attack at the hands of a tidy whities-wearing weirdo that she called in the services of priests to chase out the bad juju. For some reason, the underwear story has been refashioned and retold as a hammer-wielding clothed man–even though he’s an ardent nudist. Keep reading, however.
Hiring multiple “priests” to exorcise bad spirits from her Pacific Heights mansion was a new move for San Fran Nan. The exorcism story came from no less than her documentary-making daughter, who told New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd that “over Thanksgiving, [her mom] had priests coming, trying to have an exorcism of the house and having prayer services.”
I know what you’re thinking. Yes, Nancy Pelosi still lives there.
The woman depicted in MoDo’s 4,300-word hagiographic story as “satin and steel” called upon the church to extinguish her considerable guilt for Paul Pelosi’s hammer attack by a “QAnon” guy–as Dowd characterized him. David DePape is “QAnon” in the same way state Senator Scott Weiner is a “QAnon” guy. He’s a “QAnon” guy if you can call a trailer-dwelling nudist cult member who supports BLM, libertine sexual beliefs, and Nancy Pelosi a “QAnon” guy. I don’t know any “QAnon” guys, so MoDo might know more about them than me.
Anyway, the woman who wants to be known as “a woman of great power … a woman of great influence” called in the priests over Thanksgiving to expunge the bad spirits of great power and influence in her household left over by the “QAnon” guy on October 28, 2022.
You’ll recall that Alexandra Pelosi is the filmmaker who followed her mom around the House in a pre-planned documentary shoot on January 6, 2021. She captured the moment when Nancy threatened to deliver a “haymaker” to President Trump if she saw him when she should have been trying to figure out how to explain why she declined to accept President Trump and the Department of Defense’s offer for National Guardsmen to fortify the Capitol against known threats.
“I think that weighed really heavy on her soul. I think she felt really guilty,” Alexandra Pelosi told Dowd. “I think that really broke her.”
What broke Nancy was not that her screwups set the table for the January 6, 2021, melee. No, Nancy was cut to the core that her husband, who had previously gotten into a drunk driving accident while she was away and sounded very disoriented when he called 9-1-1 to report the nudist activist in his bedroom of the Pacific Heights manse, was attacked. Indeed, in front of the cops, DePape attacked Paul Pelosi after the then-speaker’s husband answered the door and then walked back to the attacker for some reason.
If Nancy had been there, maybe she could have pummeled Captain Underwear with pints of dense ice cream, but it’s more likely her guilt stems from the fact that her Secret Service detail was with her and not in her home protecting her husband.
It’s equally possible the incident added weight to her decision to leave the leadership–well, that and losing the House to the Republicans now led by Kevin McCarthy. Pelosi, remember, once called McCarthy “a moron” for questioning the speaker’s mask mandate. Oops.
“I dryly asked the devout Catholic if she was praying for McCarthy, the way she once prayed for her nemesis Donald Trump,” said Dowd. She said she prayed for the “House.”
And here she is again, asking for prayer for her own house.
The archdiocese of San Francisco says it didn’t supply the “priests” to exorcise the demons in Nancy’s house, but that’s not dispositive. Nancy’s not on the best of terms with the archdiocese since they parted ways over her abject glee over killing unborn children and. Indeed, it cut her off from communion. But the rules say that any garden variety priest can pray to bless a home or get rid of bad spirits in a house.
Where might those bad spirits be coming from?
Today, we should be commemorating 50 years of Roe v. Wade. But the Republican-controlled Supreme Court tore up this landmark ruling last summer — jeopardizing the health, freedom and safety of women across the country.
We must keep fighting to enshrine Roe into law.
— Nancy Pelosi (@SpeakerPelosi) January 22, 2023
The last straw for the archdiocese was when Pelosi declared that the pope had no business telling women what to do with their bodies. “The very idea that they would be telling women the size, timing or whatever of their family, the personal nature of this is so appalling, and I say that as a devout Catholic,” she proclaimed about her religious status. The archdiocese was particularly irked by her next statement, which mocked the Church. “They say to me, ‘Nancy Pelosi thinks she knows more about having babies than the Pope.’ Yes, I do. Are you stupid?” she said. It didn’t go over well.
The outspoken Catholic League president, Bill Donohue, told the New York Post that Nancy Pelosi should seek help from a psychiatrist. “The woman is positively conflicted,” he told the paper. “She wears her Catholicism on her sleeve while basically sticking her middle finger at the Catholic Church every opportunity she has,” which feels true.
So, Nancy got her home exorcised. It might be the biggest show of humility that we’ve ever heard from her.